Gloryteller

 ?
?
?    ?  ?  ?    ?
?
?
?
?

I feel an urgent need to write specifically about faith versus doubt.
At this moment, it is imperative,
crucial,
critical,
essential,
indispensable,
vitally important:
Someone is having doubts.
Someone is losing their faith in The Father.
Or never had any.
So many hard questions remain unanswered.
So many prayers unanswered,
or seemingly answered with a “no”.
So many promises seemingly not kept.
So much blame
to be unloaded,
and assigned.
So much heartbreak.
So much pain.
The internal debates wear one down,
sap our strength,
stress our beings,
abscond with our joy,
waste our lives.
Those kinds of troubles can alienate a person,
isolate,
Make one feel alone,
even in a crowd.
Make one feel like they are
the only one who has gone through so much,
who has had to bear this specific torture,
and you’re right,
No-one has had your exact experience.
But you’re wrong about being alone in it.
You are not alone,
never alone.

 I, myself, have had questions and doubts about
God’s existence,
His caring,
His promise keeping.
His love.
I, myself, asked things early-on like
“Why should I believe?”,
and, “What if it’s all a big hoax?”,
and, “Why don’t You seem to hear even my most
heartfelt,
earnest,
fervent,
prayers?”,
and, “Why do good people,
people who care,
and who act right,
and who are good to others,
people I love and care about,
die too soon,
while evil people,
people who only hate and hurt,
and murder,
people who detract from life,
and from Your glory,
people who I (forgive me) detest,
persist,
live on,
even thrive while doing more and more harm?”

I’ve had those, and countless more,
doubts and questions,
both before and a bit after my rescue,
my lifesaving encounter,
with my Lord.
Now I know that I have an enemy who likes,
encourages,
abuses,
and twists,
my doubting and questioning,
who whispers about them in my secret ear,
to use them against my good,
and promote his own evil.
When I ask my doubting questions,
I hear his faint,
but clear,
insane laughter,
for doubts are like lies,
and he is the father of lies.
I smile inside myself when I realize that is happening,
because knowing is being forewarned,
 forewarned is forearmed,
and I’m armed with a powerful weapon.

I still have questions and I ask them,
but, doubts?
Doubts can do damage.
Doubts can threaten trust.
Doubts can mislead, deceive,
and obscure Truth,
runaway doubt can destroy.
Of course there is something I call
“healthy skepticism”,
discernment,
“useful doubt”,
but you have to understand the difference,
which I don’t want to address at this moment.

The thing is, my questions and destructive doubts
are different after knowing God than they were before.
Before, the enemy,
with my permission,
used them to try to destroy me.
Now I can try to use them for my good.
And yours.

A big obstacle to my faith is that I am, by nature, a
rational,
logical,
reasoning,
pragmatic
thinker.
“Stuff” has to make sense to me.
There has to be order.
There has to be a reason something is the way it is.
Therefore, science was once my god, in a sense,
instead of the real, true God whose works
we attempt to understand through science.
In other words, I lived only by sight and not by faith.
Now, I am predominantly the opposite.
Now I know rationality and logic
can get in the way of my spiritual thinking.
One can overthink one’s self into trouble.
One can complicate what is supposed to be simple
and veer far from the truth.

Now, I try not to “lean too much on my own meager understanding”.
I try to remember that there is not just a “big picture”, but a “great, huge, majestic picture”
that I can’t fathom
that I’m not allowed to know,
even if I did have the capacity to understand.
I’ve learned to recognize when I’m
stuck in circular questioning
or trapped in doubt.
I’ve come to realize that when I
doubt and question God, I’m making Him into the god
that I, myself, am creating rather than
the One who created me;
the “word” from my mind, rather than
the true Word,
the great I AM,
the One true, factual God of the Bible.

When I realize that I’m getting lost,
(It’s often not simple or easy)
I have to push the offending thoughts away,
with a mental, even a kind of physical stiff arm,
and get myself back on the trail to my destination:
home.

It’s simple; I have made my choice of faith in Him.
I will let nothing change that decision.
I simply cannot!
I know He is good, and kind, and cares about me.
I know that He keeps all His promises
in ways that would – and will – amaze us,
when we can finally fully understand.
I don’t want to lose my faith in Him,
nor my personal relationship with Him.
It took too many years to get it.
I lived too long without it.
I can’t let anything or anyone steal it.
Without it, I’d be less than nothing;
I’d be lost in the worst sense of the word.
Here’s a question I have asked:
“If I were to turn my back on the Lord,
which of us would be harmed, or “hurt” more?”
My answer is, “I would be, infinitely so!”
His answer is that He would hurt greatly for me,
because of my choice, but He would wait with open arms
in hope that I would change my mind.

It boils down to this:
To be sure, we all have questions and doubts.
It’s a human thing.
It’s how we handle them that makes the difference.
Dwelling upon destructive doubt and rhetorical questions is a waste of time.
Our choice is between faith in Jesus and Father God, or the enemy . . .
there is no between, no middle ground, no compromise.
You might say “I choose myself”,
but that is the same as choosing the enemy, not God,
as your Lord and master.
So, please, choose life, choose love,
choose faith in Jesus, and stick to it with all your might!

*  *  *

I do have many other drafts waiting in the wings
that I want to finish and publish,
but this new theme was put on my heart with an “urgent” notice attached.
It seems like an emergency that needs immediate attention.
It is a form of sacrifice to be used this way,
yet it is a joy to serve.
I pray that this quickly gets to the readers who need it.
Reader, I care about what happens to you.
I’ve shared your struggles, believe me, maybe worse!
You have no idea what I’ve been through,
only God does,
therefore He is the “logical”
One I turn toward for support, and comfort.
I hope and pray that my words help you.
Sincerely,
L<

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*